Trump’s First Offering As President: ‘Alternative Facts’

President Donald Trump kicked off his first week as POTUS firmly on the defensive. His press secretary Sean Spicer used his first White House briefing to focus on the issues that matter: namely, that more people showed up to Trump’s inauguration than the media claimed. “This was the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration, period,” said Spicer, which didn’t seem accurate when comparing photographs and transit data, but sure. Not only was it far from the best-attended inauguration, but it didn’t even come close to outnumbering the Women’s March on the following day. Washington Metro system said 1,001,616 trips were taken on Saturday, the day of march, but only 570,000 trips were taken on Friday’s inauguration. When Spicer’s statements were proven inaccurate, Kellyanne Conway, senior White House aide and part-time mascot for the New England Patriots, explained that Spicer didn’t lie, he just provided “alternative facts.” This fresh new vocabulary is sure to be a big hit among those who think we’re living in The Matrix.